Being human, we people have emotions that fluctuate off and on. Sometimes feelings come and go and we are patient and kind to ourselves just knowing there is a normal ebb and flow, the contractions and expansions in our lives. Sometimes, however, emotions flood us and we seek relief from them in any ways we can. Unfortunately, we often act on our feelings and thoughts without having the patience, the pause, and the reflection to take time to understand these emotions rather than act them out. Again, normal human behavior, Sometimes this results in actions we are not proud of, that embarrass and humiliate us, or hurt someone else.
I support practicing nonviolent action whenever we can. James Lawson and The Rev. Martin Luther King have been excellent teachers about nonviolent action and how this type of action gets better results than does violence. Nonviolence is a much more compassionate response as well and helps us build our beloved community, instead of communities full of fear and enforcement of rigid rules. So, when we have big feelings that take control of us, instead of our trying to control or banish them, we need to consider how to transmute these feelings and thoughts/beliefs instead of acting them out.
If we don’t change some of our patterns, we too often experience relationship problems, work issues, and/or family difficulties, and since we have all learned our current ways of coping over many years, change is hard to come by, not a simple matter.
First step in transmuting our feelings or thoughts from negativity and harm to more helpful responses? Breathing and taking the pause, instead of giving in to that part of us that tells us to Act Now! We need to listen to that part and to all our other parts as they battle inside us at the same time. We must take the time use our focus and energies to pause and reflect by wondering why we might be feeling/thinking some of the ways we are feeling/thinking. We can’t always take the time to do this but when we can, we often have better results.
What is transmuting? Transmutation is changing the form of what is happening. First, we need to become aware of these moments. Then, we can take a negative piece of self-talk or a big feeling and explore it. Another step in the process is trying to challenge some of our beliefs about what has happened. When a person has rejected or has seemed to neglect us, we may feel hurt, sad, or angry. We want to look at the entire situation and realize the assumptions or interpretations we are making about the specific scenario.
For instance, when my good friend turns away from me toward another person, I may feel hurt and angry. But, when I look at the entire situation, I can also understand that she is a host at a gathering and in her host role, she may feel the need to talk to others and not just to me. Just by finding a slightly different interpretation of the event , I realize I don’t have to suffer as much as I did during my first reaction. Maybe we can understand and believe that there are several more interpretations to behaviors than just our initial response. If we hang onto our first reaction or impression, our first belief about any particular situation, we may feel stuck or trapped in our distress. If we realize that perceptions are not always actually reality, then we can play with this idea that people’s actions aren’t always exactly what we believe at first. Their actions and intentions may be very different from what we initially experience.
I have much more to say about how to actually transmute thoughts and feelings into more helpful realizations because this is not easy - and the process is as unique to each person as is a feeling. It takes hard work and effort, time and energy, to discover ways to feel better. So, instead of suffering so much or hurting others, we can become more patient and peaceful along the way - with ourselves and with each other.
